IRON MAN
I was living the life, Yes I was having so much fun
I was winning awards I didn’t even know I won
And incase you can’t tell all of that went straight to hell when I was was kidnapped by some afghan guy who made me build a missile or I would die
I get a magnet in my chest, thanks to this guy wearing a vest… who dies but
I was able to give them all the boot with fire I can shoot out of this really kick-ass suit that can also fly… for like 8 seconds.
But after some improvements using robotic tools I was able to make the suit look way more cool
And then I got rebellious Obadiah Stane got jealous and he stole my heart
in a completely non-gay way (repeat)
And so I killed him
THE INCREDIBLE HULK
I’ve been living in a third world country which is kind of ironic since I’m trying not get angry
I was working in a bottle factory then I got discovered and tracked down by the military
Then back in New York, I found my girl friend, I destroyed a helicopter and then this guy got jealous of me (dejavu)
He then became a muscly freak to.
Kinda wish I had killed him
IRON MAN 2
The Stark Expo’s back and now that everyone knows
That I’m a superhero and Hammer Tech blows
My life is great, nothing can go wrong. Oh wait
Some Russian guy wants me to die. And so I killed him… okay I lied.
The Russian worked for Hammer Tech
I found some cross-word puzzle on my neck
And so I through a party and I really partied hardy until
Rhodey came in, kicked my ass, and stole my suit
And now the Russian guy has drones and I’m pretty much all alone
Since Pepper abandoned me, Rhodey’s a War Machine
My chest is killing me, so I invent a new element
Shaped like a triangle
And then I killed that Russian guy
THOR
In the land of Asgard I’m about to become king
Until I disobey my father and which kinda screws up everything
Stripped of powers, banished to Earth. Hilarity ensues
I get arrested by S.H.I.E.L.D. and I fall in love with a jew.
Loki takes over Asgard
Without my powers, killing this giant cyclops thing is really hard
Through the power of Odin’s tear, I get my powers back
I have no other choice but to counter my brother’s attack.
By killing him… kind of… not really…
CAPTAIN AMERICA
I wanted to be an American Soldier
But instead they gave me the cold shoulder
They thought I’d get killed easily
Just because I have a few health difficulties
So to save myself the embarrassment,
I partake in a dangerous experiment
That gives me biceps, pecs, and abs.
I can also run slightly faster
So I go murder tons of Nazi bastards
Led by a guy whose named Red Skull for some reason
And so I killed him
right before crashing into the arctic and freezing over for several decades
I wake up in the future where I have to adjust to seeing
black people sit in the front of the bus
And so just when I think that this is all a bad dream
This black guy tells me about joining a team
THE AVENGERS
Now, we all, are obligated to join forces
Even though we hate each other for some bizarre reason
And, well, we can’t kill each other, since we’re all equally matched,
We might as well stop this plan that Loki has hatched
(Wait he’s still alive?
Indeed
What the hell!?
Bruce didn’t kill the abomination
Yeah Brice, what the hell was that about?
Well… my… girlfriend… told me… not to…
Pussy.)
The portal opens, Loki’s army attacks
Insert fight scene. We have each others backs
Rather suspenseful since Tony almost dies
Loki is stopped thanks to Thor, Captain America, Hulk, Iron man… and these guys.
AND SO WE KILLED HIM!
(Well, we didn’t kill him we just sort of beat the shit out of him)
SO WE BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HIM!